Wearing a mask... seriously. If you can imagine. All the stares and sometimes the blunt questions. "Are you afraid of ebola?" Um, no. "Allergies?!" Um, no. "Sick?" Not currently. Yes, I am avoiding germs. I have a suppressed immune system. Why? Okay if you really want to know the whole story..... lung transplant, low immune system, being careful... blah blah blah...
I don't really mind the questions too much, I guess. I'd much rather you ask than just stare. But honestly it's the stares that get me. Do I really look that weird?! And I'm not talking about a quick glance in my direction, but like a gawking stare that feels like it never ends. Like as they walk by the eye contact does not leave and their head turns slowly as they pass away into the distance.
Is it that big a deal that you have to gaze at me constantly from across the room or as you walk by, turning your head so you don't lose your line of vision on me? Really??! Have you ever heard of common courtesy?! Or just simply being polite?
Okay. I know I'm venting. And maybe it shouldn't bother me. And I am working on "not caring." I know those who know me know my story and understand. And really that's all that matters. I know that. And when children stare it makes me laugh (maybe a lil uncomfortable, but only a little). I usually just smile and wink at them which makes them smile back and they move along like nothing is weird at all. But when adults stare it kinda pisses me off. C'mon, man, really?!
I guess I shouldn't blame them. I mean I am a young, healthy looking person wearing a mask. Some might say I'm over cautious wearing masks and carrying sanitizer wherever I go. But, ummm, it's flu season, people. I have to be careful. I don't necessarily like it, but it's a must. I sometimes forget to put on the mask, but am trying to remember to be cautious - especially during winter.
It takes a lot of courage actually. A lot of stubbornness to not care and just do what I gotta do. It does make me feel different and self conscious. It makes me feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. Just being honest here, dudes.
Don't think it sounds that difficult? Well, fine, do me a favor. I challenge you. Take a day ... and NOT a day you're just staying home doing nothing and going nowhere. Pick a random day and wear a mask. You can buy them at almost any local grocery market with a pharmacy section. Just wear it. See what happens. See how you feel.
Note the stares. Note the questions. You can tell them you were dared if it makes you feel better. Or you could tell them you're simply avoiding germs... and just see what they ask next. ;) They'll probably think you're a germaphobe. Honestly.
I understand if you can't take it to work for whatever reason, but otherwise just try it. I guess it would kind of raise awareness for those of us who have to be extra careful. And maybe a gentle reminder not to stare at those who look a little different. So give it a try. ;) Maybe then you'll have a better understanding of how important it is to protect those around you who are weaker than you from getting sick. For some of us it can be detrimental to catch a bad cold or the flu.
It's really not too difficult for you to have a safe winter. It's not hard to be careful not to spread germs. Cover your mouth/nose when you cough or sneeze. Carry sanitizer and actually use it. Wash your hands thoroughly for 20 seconds with soap and warm water. If you're sick stay away from people... especially the young, the old, and those on immune suppressants. Wipe off shopping carts before and after you use them. Just the basics, people. Just be careful. I know you can. :)
I hope I haven't come off as angry. I'm not. Some days it does get to me, though. I do want to be careful, but I want to be normal too. It's an inner struggle and conflict each time I put on that mask. Just hoping you take a moment to try to understand.
Much love,
~Julia Jean
p.s. And if you ACTUALLY do the dare... post a picture. I'd love to see it! ;) Though I'm guessing most people won't........
