Words, words, words...

"Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words." - Robert Frost

        Just a poem I wrote last night and today.  These feelings and thoughts have been running through my head, so I put them down on paper.  Wanted to share.  Hope you like it! :)

-Believe-

Feel the feels

then let them go

Let them fly, let them flow

far into the fading sky;
beyond your reach

Let it teach you to feel

and believe time will heal

into the scar
you merely recall from afar

Live and learn

but do not dwell

upon the hell

of what "should've" or "could've"

It's over, it's gone, it's in the past

Try not to let this aching last

As your heart fell apart

the pieces scattered into the air

and now you don't give a care

You grew numb and you're "so done"

Just let it go, let it fly

far into the distant sky

I know it hurts; and I know it's hard

and you've put up that sturdy guard

Not all dreams do come true;

yet it's truly up to you

if those walls build and grow

or crumble and fall; just let them go

We all have to close that door

when all we wanted was so much more

Not everything is in our control, 

but that's life; it can cut like a butcher's knife

A moment that you treasured; 

a moment that you dread

and you feel your heart is beating
even though it's dead

A memory you visit from time to time

will slowly drift out of mind

You don't have to forget,
just don't live with regret

Let it flow, let it fly

and try to stop asking "why"

Let it be; let the pain bleed

But don't you dare give up, 

even if you feel you've "had enough"

I can't claim to understand completely;

every situation plays out uniquely

Though if you remember one thing today

know it won't always feel this way

There's so much beauty to behold

in each day as we grow old

Love this life; you've got one chance

Don't curse the storm;

dance.

♡

~Julia Jean

One year ago...

"And thus it ends,
Wonder forgotten,
A happiness left behind,
The statue broken,
So thus it ends.

Thus goes the sun,
Shadows come creeping
In the blackened sky, no stars,
I'm seeing water,
So thus it ends.

The mirror falls,
Crashing in the night,
Reflections show only fog,
And a smiling ghost,
So thus it ends.

A purring cat,
Midnight walks alone,
Dreams continue returning,
My hands are empty,
So thus it ends."

-Dwight C. Erthenwall (a.k.a. Raphael Biltz)

        One year ago today my heart was broken into a thousand pieces.  My brother Raphael passed away January 4th, 2013.  I found this poem on my computer that he had written under his pen name.  I do not know what he was thinking when he wrote it, but for me it is about a person simply letting go.  It speaks of the past being, just that, the past.  It is gone... it is beyond reach.  Everything ends.
        We all will have that moment where our bodies will break; we'll look back at the reflections of our life; our dreams will be sprinkled over our loved ones; our hands will be empty, for you can't take it with you; we will simply have to let go and let it end.  However, "A smiling ghost," makes me think that with the "end" there does not need to be only sorrow, but also joy and hope.
        My heart breaks for him.  I will always miss him.  I am still angry how it all turned out... I don't know if that feeling will ever fade away.  The words, "It's unfair" ring through my mind constantly.  Yet, I have to hold onto the belief that I will see him again and be able to hold him in my arms.  Everything ends in this world, but, then again, it is only the beginning...
        I don't know if this post made any sense, but it's just what I'm thinking and feeling right now.  I miss you, RafeBob... so much it hurts like nothing else.  You touched more lives that you ever knew.  So many people love and miss you.  Your memory will never be forgotten.  I love you.  Until we meet again...

Much love,
~Julie Jean

Holiday season is over...

"Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other." - Abraham Lincoln

(My cousin, my sisters, and I together on New Year's Eve!)

        The holiday season is over and a new year has begun.  Now what?  I guess it's time for new year's resolutions!  Yes, we all have them.  Yes, many times they are unrealistic and we stop doing them within a month.  However, this year I've really thought hard about what I would like to be sure to accomplish.  There are many things I want to do this year... I have dreams of traveling, learning new skills, pursuing my passions... I hope to be able to grow in friendships, give more, and forgive more.  But this list is a few simple things I know I need to work on to better myself.  Here's my list... yes, it's short, but it means a lot to me.

1)  Exercise.  I've written up a realistic routine and I am determined to stick to it.  I really want to get and keep these lungs in shape!
2)  Write.  I have been told by several people that I need to write a book.  So, I'm going to try.
3)  Relax.  I'm going to sit and look at the stars more. ;) I want to make a conscious effort to try not to worry as much.  I know this will be very very difficult... we'll see what happens. ;)
4)  Don't waste any day.  I know there will be ups and downs, but I am determined to have a fantastic year and appreciate every minute of it. :)
5) Be me.  I need to stop being so insecure and judgmental of myself.

        And that is all.  Everyone's list is different... and that is mine.  That is all for now.  Happy new year, everyone... make it a good one! <3

Much love,

~Julie Jean

p.s.   You know, I realized I hadn't posted anything about mine and Joe's little Christmas traditions.  So here you go... We put up our Christmas tree and wreath the day after Thanksgiving.  So while everyone else is out hustling and bustling on Black Friday, we were enjoying Christmas music and all the joy that Christmas brings. ;)  And after the holidays Joe took all the decorations down on New Years Day.  So, that's how we're going to do it from now on!  I like it.  Here's some pictures of our trees and our wreath.  We have a big tree and then a small Chiefs tree.  We buy a new Chiefs ornament each year! :)