Thursday, July 30, 2015

"Was blind, but now I see..."

"I will extol the Lord at all times; His praise will always be on my lips."

(In the hospital this last visit...)

        June 21st, 2015.  That's a day that's now forever ingrained in my memory.  The day I was diagnosed with CF-related Diabetes.  Sigh.  Well, one doctor said, "If you have CF and live long enough, you're going to develop it."  So I guess it was just my time!  Sadly.
        In March, 2015, I had my three month checkup at my transplant clinic.  They took blood work and checked my A1c.  As usual, it was fine.  However, sometime between March and June something happened.  Slowly within those three months I began having symptoms.  Symptoms that I should've recognized.  I was extremely tired and exhausted.  My mouth was really dry and I was constantly thirsty, but no matter how much I drank it felt I was dying from thirst.  I felt sick.  I felt light headed.  My blood pressure was always high.  I was so nauseous, I could hardly eat.  I had completely and utterly lost my appetite.  And as a result of that, I lost 15 pounds!!  The weight just shed off of me very quickly.  Near the end of the three months, I couldn't walk straight.  I knew something was seriously wrong.
        I kept telling the doctors something was up.  I had clinic the following Monday, but I was fed up with worrying.  So I finally went into a local doctor Friday the 19th just to see if I could figure out what was going on.  They took lab.  Then I went home not expecting to hear anything until Monday.  Saturday morning I get a phone call from the nurse on-call.  When I answered she sighed in relief and said, "Oh, I'm so glad you answered the phone!  You need to go to the ER right now!  I got results back from your blood work... Your blood sugar was 892!"  I was in shock and was like, "What?  That has to be a mistake..."  She said they thought maybe it was a mistake, but to go in to get tested right away.  I began to become anxious thinking at any point I could just simply pass out if it really was that high.
        I called Joe and my mom.  My mom took me to the ER and Joe met up with us there...  (Hmmm, haven't we done this before...?  Ha!)  The nurse was already waiting for me because the on-call nurse had given her a heads up.  She was super kind and helped us all relax.  They took my blood and sent it to lab.  It felt like forever before the nurse finally checked on the lab results herself.  My blood sugar was 773.  The nurse went into action quickly... obviously surprised I was still coherent and able to talk in a normal conversation.
        Soon after I was rushed back into the ER.  The people in there were also astonished, "You should be in a coma!"  I was thinking, "Well, I'm not, so let's get the numbers down... okay?!"  Everyone was bustling about.  Honestly, everything was so rushed, I felt like I was in a bit of a haze.  Still completely coherent, but maybe in a bit of shock.
        My mom, dad, Joe, sisters Rachel and Maria were in the ER patient room with me.  Eventually they were all asked, but Joe, to leave the room.  I was given IV fluids for about an hour before they finally starting giving me insulin to lower the blood sugar.  My mother told me later that they have to do that to help thin the blood.  She said that if the blood sugars are over 600, your blood can become like syrup.  Geeze!!  My blood was like syrup?! Good grief.
        My sister Rachel told me later she thought it was hilarious that the doctors seemed so nervous to give me any sort of medication until they talked with ALL my doctors.  They were calling my local doctor, my Kansas City doctors, and my Dallas doctors.  I know I'm a complicated patient...
        Finally I was given a room and they slowly brought my sugars down over the course of five days in the hospital.  A few friends and family visited while I was there.  The doctors ran several tests and I was officially diagnosed the next morning.  The doctor came into my room Sunday morning and said, "Well, I have good news and I have bad.  Bad news, you have diabetes.  Good news, it's totally manageable!"  I actually happened to be alone when I was given the results.  The doctor was so very kind.  She had told me after that when she saw the results she felt bad to have to tell me.  So sweet of her to care so much.
        The night before I had been agonizing over the fact that I had probably developed diabetes.  It had always been a fear of mine.  I kept asking God, "Please, no, please no..."  But in that moment, I took the news well.  I said, "Okay," and knew that was just the way it was.  I would survive, as always.  I would keep fighting as always.
        I asked how this could happen... and so quickly!  Within a span of three months I went from great blood sugars to almost being in a coma!  I was told by one person that when someone develops diabetes without realizing it, this situation can happen.  Also, another person at the hospital told me they thought my pancreas just stopped producing insulin.  The diagnosis explains every single one of my symptoms.  I keep telling myself, I should've known.
        Sunday night I cried myself to sleep.  Instead of "Please no," I was asking God, "Why? Why??"  I felt angry.  I was angry that one of my worst fears had come true.  I felt overwhelmed with all I would have to learn and do just to keep my sugars stable.  I was overwhelmed with another huge weight to carry, and charts, and more logs, and more medicine to keep track of... it felt like another huge balancing act I was undertaking.  I was sad... so I cried.
        The next day came and the tasks ahead of me felt daunting.  Everyone that found out how high my sugars had been all exclaimed, "You should've been in a coma!!"  I know, I know...
        After I left the hospital, I lost my vision for over a week.  Thankfully I didn't go completely blind, but everything was extremely blurry.  And when it reached it's peak, I could barely see a thing.  To be honest, I hated it and it terrified me.  I counted the days to when I would be able to see again.  Everyone assured me it was completely normal and I would be able to see again soon.  And I did.  My vision is back and is fine.  "I was blind, but now I see."  :)
        Now, it's been several weeks.  My blood sugars are stabilizing and I'm starting to figure out this whole new world of diabetes.  I know it can be overwhelming at times, but I know I'll get through it.  It's not as horrible as I first thought it would be.  In fact one upside of having CF-related diabetes is I'm not on a strict diet... I can still eat as much as I need as long as I balance it out with my insulin!  And I know eventually everything will simply become routine.  Many CF people I know have diabetes and they're doing great... so I'll be fine.
        While I was still in the hospital, one nurse in particular made an impression on me.  My mom had mentioned how high my blood sugars had been.  The nurse, a petite Hispanic woman, looked straight into my eyes, pointed her finger, and firmly said, "You are blessed!" Then said it again for emphases, "You are blessed! You are blessed to even be sitting there talking to me right now.  You're lucky to be alive."  She wanted me to realize it; to know it.  I felt like saying, "I know, I know, I am thankful!"
        Really, though, her words hit me hard and it got me thinking.  The anger I had been feeling the night before started to fade.  I suddenly realized I shouldn't be angry at Him.  I shouldn't blame Him.  I should be thanking Him.  I was bound to develop diabetes eventually.  I have CF, it most likely was going to happen.  But He allowed me to live through yet another strange crisis.  I could've possibly had major complications, but I didn't.  I could've easily slipped into a coma, but I didn't.  I survived, caught the problem in time, and entirely while still awake and coherent.  He really does know what He's doing.  God is good.  That night I had fallen asleep not asking why or asking please; I was thinking, "Thank you..."
         However, I am done with these crisis emergency visits to the hospital... right, God?! ;)

Much love,
~Julia Jean

3 comments:

  1. Julie, you are a true miracle. I have followed your progress through fb posts and the church and quite frankly....you are amazing! Yes, you are also blessed and so are those that you come in contact with. Your health issues have put you on a path that has allowed you to touch lives and, has allowed others to touch your life. This most likely would not have happened had your life been different. I am also sure that through your faith and your fighting spirit, you have turned a few souls to God, who might have been lost otherwise. There is purpose in everything and you Julie, remind us of why faith is so important. Glad you are doing so much better. You remain in my prayers. :)

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    1. Sometimes this website doesn't allow me to reply. I'll try again ... Thank you so much! I love when people comment. It always means so much. Thank you :)

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  2. My life is beautiful thanks to you, Mein Helfer. Lord Jesus in my life as a candle light in the darkness. You showed me the meaning of faith with your words. I know that even when I cried all day thinking about how to recover, you were not sleeping, you were dear to me. I contacted the herbal center Dr Itua, who lived in West Africa. A friend of mine here in Hamburg is also from Africa. She told me about African herbs but I was nervous. I am very afraid when it comes to Africa because I heard many terrible things about them because of my Christianity. god for direction, take a bold step and get in touch with him in the email and then move to WhatsApp, he asked me if I can come for treatment or I want a delivery, I told him I wanted to know him I buy ticket in 2 ways to Africa To meet Dr. Itua, I went there and I was speechless from the people I saw there. Patent, sick people. Itua is a god sent to the world, I told my pastor about what I am doing, Pastor Bill Scheer. We have a real battle beautifully with Spirit and Flesh. Adoration that same night. He prayed for me and asked me to lead. I spent 2 weeks and 2 days in Africa at Dr Itua Herbal Home. After the treatment, he asked me to meet his nurse for the HIV test when I did it. It was negative, I asked my friend to take me to another nearby hospital when I arrived, it was negative. I was overwhite with the result, but happy inside of me. We went with Dr. Itua, I thank him but I explain that I do not have enough to show him my appreciation, that he understands my situation, but I promise that he will testify about his good work. Thank God for my dear friend, Emma, I know I could be reading this now, I want to thank you. And many thanks to Dr. Itua Herbal Center. He gave me his calendar that I put on my wall in my house. Dr. Itua can also cure the following diseases ... Cancer, HIV, Herpes, Hepatitis B, Inflammatory Liver, Diabetis, Bladder Cancer,Colorectal Cancer,Breast Cancer,Kidney Cancer,Leukemia,Lun,Fribroid,Parkinson's disease,Inflammatory bowel disease ,Fibromyalgia, recover your ex. You can contact him by email or whatsapp, @ .. drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com, phone number .. + 2348149277967 .. He is a good doctor, talk to him kindly. I'm sure he will also listen to you.

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