One year ago...

"And thus it ends,
Wonder forgotten,
A happiness left behind,
The statue broken,
So thus it ends.

Thus goes the sun,
Shadows come creeping
In the blackened sky, no stars,
I'm seeing water,
So thus it ends.

The mirror falls,
Crashing in the night,
Reflections show only fog,
And a smiling ghost,
So thus it ends.

A purring cat,
Midnight walks alone,
Dreams continue returning,
My hands are empty,
So thus it ends."

-Dwight C. Erthenwall (a.k.a. Raphael Biltz)

        One year ago today my heart was broken into a thousand pieces.  My brother Raphael passed away January 4th, 2013.  I found this poem on my computer that he had written under his pen name.  I do not know what he was thinking when he wrote it, but for me it is about a person simply letting go.  It speaks of the past being, just that, the past.  It is gone... it is beyond reach.  Everything ends.
        We all will have that moment where our bodies will break; we'll look back at the reflections of our life; our dreams will be sprinkled over our loved ones; our hands will be empty, for you can't take it with you; we will simply have to let go and let it end.  However, "A smiling ghost," makes me think that with the "end" there does not need to be only sorrow, but also joy and hope.
        My heart breaks for him.  I will always miss him.  I am still angry how it all turned out... I don't know if that feeling will ever fade away.  The words, "It's unfair" ring through my mind constantly.  Yet, I have to hold onto the belief that I will see him again and be able to hold him in my arms.  Everything ends in this world, but, then again, it is only the beginning...
        I don't know if this post made any sense, but it's just what I'm thinking and feeling right now.  I miss you, RafeBob... so much it hurts like nothing else.  You touched more lives that you ever knew.  So many people love and miss you.  Your memory will never be forgotten.  I love you.  Until we meet again...

Much love,
~Julie Jean