Easter Sunday

"A poem begins with a lump in the throat." - Robert Frost

~*~

        This is going to be a short post.  I just wanted to share a poem I wrote this morning with you.  It's  short, but it is full of meaning for me.  I did have a lump in my throat when I wrote it. In a few short words, I feel it expresses what we've been going through these past few months - the loss, the pain, the struggle, learning to find trust and joy in God's plan; and not our own.  Loving life.  It ends with the spirit of resurrection; the promise of God's love...

        Enjoy.

~~

After darkness, comes the Light;

after death, comes new Life.

In sorrow, we cling to faith;

in the end, we cope;

amid the fear, we hope.

After silence,

we fall to sleep;

only to awake - in His Love.

Finding joy in our plan's division;

we trust, because He is risen.

♥

        Know that God loves you; whether you can feel it at the moment or not. Pray - whether you feel Him with you or not; for He is always there.  I need to remind myself of that many times.  Happy Easter!

Much love,

          ~Julie Jean

p.s. I'll definitely try and blog more often. ;)

"The Call"

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for Thou art with me..."

-a post and a poem-

(me and my love post transplant... we did it!)

     So much has happened these past few weeks, but we'll describe those "adventures" later.  The biggest thing happened this last week. The night of Sunday, March 17th (St. Patrick's Day), we got "the call" that lungs were available for me.  The morning of Monday, March 18th, my husband and I said our "Goodbye" and "See you soon," - that was such an emotional moment.  Then I was rolled into the surgery room and received the life changing double lung transplant.  Tuesday, March 19th, I woke up and was instantly asking for my husband.  Now, it is Saturday, March 23rd, and I'm on the long road to healing.

   I'm still in a lot of pain, so I'm going to keep this post short.  Here is a poem I wrote pre-transplant lost in the fears of putting my life into another's hands. 

-dear surgeon-
take your scalpel, cut me deep

Hello,

how are you?

It’s so nice to meet you.

Here’s my life; take it, hold it, in your hands

Here’s my trust - I hope you, please, understand

With just a “hi, hello,”

You - I hardly know

Carry me; watch me fall fast asleep

Into your hands - my life, my future you keep

I am afraid.

I’ll close my eyes; and let it be

I’ll close my eyes, so I can’t see;

counting back from ten...

Let the unconscious take me over

and let the remedy - and numbness pull me under

As you steady your hands - and rescue me.

Hello, 

how are you?

It's so nice to meet you.

--

    I am forever grateful to all the doctors and surgeons involved in this process.  I am thankful to my parents, my family, and friends.  I am so in love with my husband (my best friend)... I couldn't have made it through any of this without him.  He is my rock.  And I know in my heart my brother Rafe was and is with me - it helps so much.  Thank you for all your prayers and support.  The Lord has brought us thus far; though recovery will be a struggle, we fear no evil.  From our hearts to yours...

Much love,
         ~Julie Jean

*sigh*

"Do not be troubled or weighed down with grief. Do not fear any illness or vexation, anxiety or pain..." - Our Lady of Guadalupe 

-just venting-

Hey you,
          Yesterday I went to the doctor's office at the CF clinic. It turns out I have a sinus infection and a possible tooth infection (still haven't seen a dentist). The whole right side of my face, sinus, roof of my mouth, jaw, and throat hurts. I'm having a lot of drainage and have had an irritated cough (especially at night). So I feel pretty miserable. The doctor prescribed some antibiotics and thought that would take care of it all, which it probably will in a few days.
          Today my case manager for the transplant team called me. She said my transplant doctor has decided to make me "inactive" on the transplant list until my infection clears up. I'm still on the list, just considered inactive... so until I am "active" again I won't be getting any calls for lungs. If I got "the call" now, while I have a tooth infection, and I got the surgery... they said the infection would run rampant throughout my body because of the immunosuppressant medication I would be on...  and obviously that would be bad.
          I get it; makes sense. It would be awful if the call did come and I had this infection brewing and didn't know about it. So, in a way, it is a blessing to get rid of it now.  I'm not mad at anyone... the doctors are only protecting me.  And I know God is watching over the entire process. But it just frustrates me that I'll be inactive all weekend and maybe into next week; just waiting for the infection to clear... waiting to be made "active" again. Gosh... so much waiting.

          I'm hoping to see a dentist to make the process go quicker too. And hopefully the medications will work fast and clear up my sinus infection as well.  I'm also hoping I get my prescriptions tomorrow so I can get started on the meds a.s.a.p.!
          I don't know. I just want this done. You know?  No more hurdles.  I'm tired.  I just need prayers for patience and strength... and quick healing!  My heart is sad tonight; I miss home.  My body is exhausted; I feel pretty miserable; hacking and coughing, real short o f breath, and my mouth is in pain... hurts to eat and drink anything on the right side!  Haha, I guess that's honesty for you. ;)
          However, I am blessed to have a sweet, loving, and kind husband who takes such good care of me.  He gets me my meds, brings me tea for my throat, helps me relax, and makes me laugh. :) So I probably should stop complaining!

          Soooo, let me end this post on a lighter note.  After the doctor appointment yesterday Joe and I went on a date - the first in a long freaking time! We went to Jimmy John's for dinner. It was fun and delicious! Here's some pix:

us on our date :)

Haha! A sign at Jimmy John's that made me laugh!

My love,

           ~Julie Jean

Thank you...

"Give thanks to the Lord for He is good; His mercy endures forever..."

~we are so blessed~

              I know this is just a simple post; I wish it could be more.  However, this is for everyone who has been there for my husband and I throughout this long strenuous journey.  To our family; our close friends, new friends, old friends; the doctors, the nurses; the strangers with helpful hearts... Thank you.

For the encouragement, the strength, the support, the comfort, the hugs, the letters, the calls, the texts, the messages, the care packages, the generosity, the thoughts, the prayers, the love... Thank you.

How we wish we could thank each and every single one of you face to face.  I'm not sure if it can be put into words how loved we feel; how appreciative we are... but, I'm trying. ;)  You do make a difference; you make the road a little easier to travel.  I hope someday, somehow, we can thank each of you personally.  Know we are forever thankful. We are blessed to have you in our life.  We thank the Lord for each of you.

Happy month of March!  Oh what will this  month bring?  Another day closer to the transplant; another day closer to recovery; another day closer to home.  I love you; we love you.  Truly.  From our hearts to yours...

Much love,

                ~Joe & Julie Jean